My future children! :D
Late night thinking
It’s weird looking back on past relationships. There were so many problems. Never satisfied. But now things are good. I’m happy with him. We aren’t perfect and we have our problems but we’re real and there’s nothing we can’t work out or handle. He’s always willing to make it work and make it right, regardless of if he feels he’s at fault. Sometimes it takes a while and it’s frustrating but always saying, “I’m sorry. How can I make it right?” is more than enough, even if I take a couple minutes to cool down and accept his apology. We may both be stubborn and at times act like know it alls but we work it out. That’s more than I can say for any of my past relationships. No one met me half way. They always gave up. They stopped trying, stopped treating me right, and stopped showing affection. At times they even wanted to hurt me. But now—he always tries to live up to every standard and every expectation. He always finds a way to improve. Our relationship is always getting better. We’re always getting more comfortable with each other. We’re always getting more attracted to one another. For the most part, things are good. I can be myself with him. I can make weird voices and faces and noises and he’ll play along. I have more than some people ever have in a lifetime and it makes every broken heart I’ve ever had worth it.
Made up story #1
She pulled my arm and she looked at me, the same way she looked at me the first night we had sex, and I knew that I couldn’t keep fighting like this anymore. What are we even fighting for? It’s been so long, I’ve forgotten. Maybe that’s what she’s trying to tell me. She doesn’t have the strength to do anything but look at me with those big eyes of hers. I can see her despair. We both just want this to be over but we don’t know how. Why is it so hard to be the first to apologize? Should I give up first? I’m tired of sleepless nights and facing the opposite sides of the bed. I’m tired of not speaking to each other. I’m tired of the lack of eye contact. I’m tired of feeling her eyes hard on my back every time I walk away. I’m tired of the loneliness. I miss her smile. I miss her laugh. I miss her hugs and kisses. I miss when she would wake me up with breakfast in bed. I miss the way she called my name. I miss the way she called me honey. I miss going on dates and acting obnoxious and running around just because we’re so focused on each other that nothing else matters. I can’t take this anymore. I have to do something. I have to say something. But what?
